Duo's Hell
by Tigae
Summary: Relena's found Heero...AGAIN! But she's in for a shocking revelation when she finds Duo there as well. Yaoi 1x2, 3+4
1. So the pain begins

Disclaimer: Um.I don't own anything having to do with the G-boys or GW, but I do own all their souls. They belong to me, and you can't have them.but you can borrow them.  
  
Pairings: 1x2, 3+4, unrequited R+2 (for goods reasons) =^_^= Nyow  
  
This story is basically inspired by my friend Mina, and is an insanely bass- ackwards comedy. I don't think Duo's gonna ever be the same again. This story contains yaoi and shonen ai, and lots and lots of fun Relena-bashing.  
  
On with the show!  
  
Duo's Hell  
  
Chapter 1: What the fuck is her problem?!  
  
Outside one of the unknown Winner mansions, a pink limo pulled up, and a girl with blonde hair stepped out. She smiled to herself, noting in her mind to give her workers a promotion. Her smile widening, Relena walked up to the door.  
  
"Heero, I've found you, and soon you will be totally mine."  
  
@}~~~  
  
Quatre snuggled up closer to Trowa, the book in his hands forgotten as Trowa's arms wrapped around him and held him tight. Quatre sighed in happiness, leaning close, so close you might think he was trying to get into Trowa's body and share it with him.  
  
Loosening their hold at a knock on the door, Quatre pouted.  
  
"Come in," he called, still loosely held in Trowa's embrace.  
  
Rashid entered, looking contrite, an extremely difficult feat for the giant scary looking Maguanac.  
  
"Master Quatre, I'm sorry, but Miss Relena is here. Should I show her in?"  
  
Shaking his head and sighing, Quatre looked up at Trowa.  
  
"Should we?"  
  
"Your call, love," Trowa answered, "Though you might as well. You know she'll only find a back entrance or something."  
  
"Alright." Raising his voice a little, Quatre gave his ascent. "Go ahead Rashid."  
  
Stepping back, the huge man held the door open a little wider and gestured the girl into the room.  
  
Relena's jaw nearly dropped when she walked into the room.  
  
//I guess they're closer than I thought.//  
  
"Please Miss Relena, have a seat." Quatre said politely, gesturing to the many pieces of furniture in the room.  
  
Seating herself daintily on an armchair near them, she smiled.  
  
'I'm here to see Heero."  
  
As if miraculously hearing his name, Heero ran into the room holding a pair of shimmery silk black boxers.  
  
"HEERO! GIMMEE BACK MY BOXERS!"  
  
Hot on Heero's tail was a towel clad Duo, one hand on the towel, the other waving around in the air. Heero just smirked and dodged around a few couches and chairs, unaware of their audience.  
  
"C'mon Heero! This damn towel's skimpy enough as it is, and I REALLY don't wanna bare my ass to any cameras!"  
  
Heero's smirk grew into an almost smile and he dodged faster.  
  
"Aaargh! Just WAIT 'til I get my hands on your spandex-clad ass, soldier boy! You are SO gonna pay!"  
  
Stopping abruptly and doing a point 180-degree turn impossible for anyone but a Gundam pilot, Heero lunged at Duo and tackled him to the ground. Grinning in triumph, he quickly stood and jumped back, his prize in hand.  
  
"I think you're missing something, Duo."  
  
Duo's eyes widened. Looking frantically around, he spotted a couple of throw pillows. Grabbing them, he stood up quickly while covering himself in the process.  
  
"Dammit, Yuy! You are SO dead! Taking my towel is such an underhanded thing to do."  
  
Smirking, Heero agreed. "I know. Isn't it great?"  
  
Giving an exasperated sigh, Duo tried to pull off an annoyed pose. "Can I have my boxers now?"  
  
"Nope."  
  
"~Ahem~"  
  
Swirling around, Duo blushed when he saw his audience, then looked in horror when he spotted Relena.  
  
"Heero, I think boxers would be a good idea right about now. Relena's here."  
  
Heero's eyes widened as he turned as well, looking at her and staring like a fish out of water.  
  
"Um, Heero? Boxers. Now."  
  
Heero tossed them to Duo, the trudged across the room to sit on one of the couches across from Relena, looking like he was close, but was really miles away, and glared.  
  
Watching him sit down, Relena barely managed a 'Hello' before her eyes returned to Duo.  
  
Loping over the Heero, Duo gracefully plopped down next to Heero.  
  
"Konnichiwa, ojousama!"  
  
"Duo, how are you?"  
  
Duo gave Heero a look, one of those "how-am-I-supposed-to-answer- because-I'm-too-scared-to-think-of-a-reply" looks.  
  
"I'm fine Relena. Wassup with you? Any new boyfriends?"  
  
"I'm fine." Relena vaguely replied, her eyes holding this blank look that you normally get when you're talking to someone really stooped and still using small words.  
  
Watching as her look went from blank to evil-nasty-weird as she stared at him, Duo started to scoot towards the far edge of the couch, putting as much distance between himself and the pink clad princess. Heero glared at her even harder.  
  
Getting up from her chair, Relena crossed over and sat down next to Duo, firmly latching onto his arm.  
  
Oh Duo. I've never really appreciated all you've done for me and this planet. You're such an admirable person, saving my life again and again."  
  
Duo blanched, looking from a stunned Quatre, to an eye-slightly-widened-and- trying-to-hide-a-snicker Trowa, to a shocked-looking-glare-that-grew-darker- by-the-second Heero.  
  
"Help me," Duo said in a small voice as Relena's hands started massaging his bicep, slowly moving towards his shoulder and chest.  
  
Jumping up abruptly, Duo managed to disengage himself from a startled Relena.  
  
"Excuse me, but I feel the need to put on clothes. Lots and lots and LOTS of them."  
  
Speed-walking, almost running, towards the door, he was suddenly glomped by a pink-infested..thing.  
  
Duo did the only thing he could think of. He panicked.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"  
@}~~~ ---{======  
  
Ooooookay, so what do you think of my first spout of insane insanity? I think I'm evil, and Relena must die for touching Heero's property. Don't you agree? I think I'll leave that up to my muse....if he ever gets here. Or she.I'm never sure which one my muse is.  
  
Duo is probably never gonna be right in the head again, though I doubt he ever was in the first place. *sees Heero in the background aiming a gun at her* ¬_¬' Um.just kidding. 


	2. WHY we don't know anything about Relena'...

Ooooookay. Sorry for not updating before this, but my bitchy, 'I-don't-see- you-enough' comp decided it wanted me to work on this.  
  
Disclaimer: I have permission to play wth them all I want. And then even more. I don't own them, only they're bodies. And I'm not gonna let anyone borrow them without some extremely high bribery. A chocolate bar would be nice. Or something of that nature.  
  
Pairings: 1x2, 3x4, unrequited Rx2 (and now you can see why) =^_^= Nyow  
  
Duo's Hell: Chapter 2: WHY we don't know anything about Relena's mind  
  
@}~~~ ---{======  
  
Jumping up abruptly, Duo managed to disengage himself from a startled Relena.  
  
"Excuse me, but I feel the need to put on clothes. Lots and lots and LOTS of them."  
  
Speed-walking, almost running, towards the door, he was suddenly glomped by a pink-infested..thing.  
  
Duo did the only thing he could think of. He panicked.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"  
  
@}~~~ ---{======  
  
"GETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFF!!!!!!!!!!!" The screams were loud enough to be heard outside and in the hangar, where Wufei was reconstructing the left arm module after it was crushed in his last mission.  
  
"What the hell is Duo screaming about now? Better not be another one of his pranks!" Dropping whathe was doing and cleaning up quickly, he ran inside to find out what was wrong. Coming to the room where the screams were coming from, he could hear more angry shouts coming from Heero, Quatre, and Trowa.  
  
*Wonder what he did to get Trowa yelling at him* Mumbling a few choice words under his breath, Wufei pushed open the door and dropped his jaw. "W- what the HELL?!?!?!"  
  
Looking over to Wufei, Quatre yelled for him to help. "Get your ass over here and help us get the pink off of Duo. He won't stop screaming until we do."  
  
Nodding, Wufei quickly went and fetched a crowbar from the hangar, and tried to pry Relena off Duo. Didn't work.  
  
"Please, please, please get it off. I don't wanna die today. Please. I promise to be a good boy for the rest of my life, just get it off." Duo had been reduced to crying like a child and praying to Shinigami. "I don't care if you kill her or anything. Just get it off!"  
  
The pink monstrosity known as Relena had glomped onto him so tightly, that not even Heero could get her off. "What did she do to get so strong?" Quatre asked as he let go tiredly after 3 hours of pulling and pushing and prodding. "I didn't know a female could be that strong!"  
  
It was then that the Barbie Queen spoke. "I used my 'Super-permanent-ultra- strong' body glue. Nothing can escape me now. Not until I rub the dissolvent on it." It cackled maniacally for a few minutes, until stopping and gasping for breath.  
  
The four pilots not being glomped looked at each other. "Damn." Putting their heads together, they came up with a plan. Wufei ran out of the room, closely followed by Heero, as Quatre and Trowa stayed behind to keep Duo calm, which wasn't working.  
  
Running back in the room, Wufei held up a gun. "Got it." It looked like an ordinary sniper rifle, except the barrel was an inch wider in diameter. "Stupid thing, almost couldn't find it. It was hiding in the back of my closet."  
  
Heero ran in just then, also holding an object up. "Had to mix it. Give me the gun."  
  
Handing the gun over, Wufei grinned a little psychotically. "I can't wait to see what happens."  
  
Trowa and Quatre looked at each other, then at Heero. "What exactly does that liquid do again?" Quatre asked a little worriedly.  
  
"Takes the sex drive and other related horomones out of a person for a certain amount of time."  
  
Inserting the vial into the gun, Heero raised it and sighted onto Relena. Aiming carefully, he pulled the trigger. Out shot a dart the size of his middle finger, and into Relena's back it landed. She looked at them before her arms fell to their sides and she slide off of Duo, who quickly ran to the far side of the room. Quatre and Trowa walked over to her and poked her still form.  
  
"Is she going to be alright when she wakes up?"  
  
Heero nodded briskly. "After a few hours, she'll wake up with a slight headache, and no thought for us." He grinned at that thought, then frowned again. "I just don't know how long it will last. A few hours, a few days, maybe even a few years. I hope it just lasts long enough for us to get away."  
  
Duo was still in the corner, traumatized for an unkown amount time, which only time could heal. Heero walked over and pulled him up, one arm around his shoulders. "C'mon koi. She's asleep now, so you need to get dressed and pack so we can leave. We need to get away before she wakes up."  
  
Duo's entire body shook, and he snapped out of it. Running upstairs, he quickly grabbed his duffel, which was still unpacked, and threw on some clothes he grabbed out of it. "I'm ready. When do we leave?"  
  
Quatre and Trowa followed Duo up, only to come down a few minutes after he did with all their things. "We're ready."  
  
Wufei and Heero quickly gathered their things as well and they all ran out the door, leaving Relena behind. "Time to go."  
  
Quatre was ready with an answer before Heero could even ask. "My base on the eastern side of the Sahara. I'll transmit coordiantes from Sandrock."  
  
They all nodded and jumped into their own respective gundams.  
  
"Yay! We finally got rid of the pink mostrisity known as Relena! I'm free!" Duo ran around before jumping in. Heero nodding in understanding from his cockpit. It's finally over.  
  
@}~~~ ---{======  
  
Owari 


End file.
